Often the EPH contributors get together and gorge for gorgin’s sake. It is the opinion of our cohort that eating 6000+ calories in one day is a form of predation— in the looser “bein awesome” sense of the definition. In the refusal to yield to gastric and intestinal imperatives to stop. In the ignoring of the fact that people are starving in the world and we are eating until it is no longer pleasurable. Because we can.
Never mind the fact that by the end of one of these marathon days of eating we are miserable, writhing about with stomachs distended, cursing the last egg roll or mound of mashed potatoes we poured down our bloated gullets. Never mind the lack of any balance in the meals, our menus consisting mostly of starches, sweets, starches, spicy something, starches, and more starches. Never mind that we often shout “suck it, third world” and eat so much that we need not eat for days, despite the fact that our energy-guzzling refrigerators are over-flowing with the un-earned benefits of American imperialism.
Yes, never mind all of these things, because these gatherings are the best kind of socialization. These experiences represent the height of bonding, the straw that stirs our drink. Did I mention that we often have cocktails as well, just to top off the meals? Yes, vodkas, rums, beers, wines– the world is our wet bar. Is it our fault that other nations are poor and have little to no food? Well, maybe, in the strictest sense, in some cases. But hey, we have internalized the true spirit of America– we gots to get ours. Our rappers speak of “gettin those ins,” and we are little different… except perhaps we are more concerned with getting our intakes.
So, faithful EPH reader(s), I encourage you to gather with friends and share a meal (or 6 meals that you choose to call one). Because really, once you get down to it, what is life but a flaunting of excess, a display of conspicuous consumption? Plus, when you are constantly cramming your face with food, you don’t really have time to notice the many, many flaws of your friends, and that is the true gift.