If there’s one word that adequately describes the 83rd Academy Awards ceremony, it’s “insipid.” What a sad, sad affair this was—drawn out, humorless (except for that Marky Mark bit, just because it was amusing to see Wahlberg desperately trying to look like he’s not cringing; seriously though, Bruce Vilanch should be taken out back and shot in both knees), as devoid of character as Jesse Eisenberg’s haircut. Or whatever that thing on his head is. There were a few wince-inducing moments, to be sure. Cate Blanchett’s nautical theme dress. Gwyneth Paltrow’s country singing. James Franco. On the whole, though, the meh-index remained consistently high. Which creates a unique dilemma for the eph crew: how do you mock that which has no soul?
I’ll leave that question open for future discussion. There is, however, one affront, one injustice so grave, so scandalous, that it must be addressed right now. I’m talking about the In Memoriam montage (aka the Death Sweepstakes), and the blatant exclusion of the late Corey Haim, child star extraordinaire. While the significance Mr. Haim’s legacy should be immediately obvious to any moderately cultured individual (The Lost Boys. Need I say more?), it was apparently lost on the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Last year’s Farrah Fawcett slip-up was bad enough, but this… This is disgraceful. For shame, Academy. For shame.